found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
