There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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