Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
