Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
