When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
