my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
