Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Semen is not good for contacts.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
