3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
