You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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