So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Randomize
