It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
