um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
