he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
