so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
