i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I party with great urgency now.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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