We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
