peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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