somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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