They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
