You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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