the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
