I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much Jack, so little girl.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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