How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
