got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
