This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
cat food counts as protein by the way
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
