so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
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Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
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Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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