I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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