my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
