i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize