I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
