He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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