Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So squirting runs in the family.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
