she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
