Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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