Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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