Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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