seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
