I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
