he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
