I wanna passion pit in your ass
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
where are my eyebrows?
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