Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
