you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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