you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
this just has baby written all over it
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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