Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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