you traded sex for a burrito?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
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I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
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I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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