well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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