I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
