She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
