You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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