He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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