Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
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he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
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just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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