i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
