when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
