There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
