I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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