oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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