where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
