I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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