Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
