You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
