We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
