It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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