yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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