we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I forgot wine drunk hurts
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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