There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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