I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
