My sheets look like a crime scene.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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