i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
