Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
