My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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