Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he fucked my hip out of place.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
