her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
