well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
