i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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