i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
