The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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