i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
